The willpower within me, the drive I used to have, the fear of failing, the determination to do the best has retreated deep down inside me. I can’t seem to find that strength within any more, that I know I have, that I used to use to study and work. Am I too busy with other stuff? Too busy just staying alive, fed and clean? That’s all it seems I have the energy to do at the moment. Why am I so exhausted? I sleep around 7-10 hours every night, and up to 4 hours in the afternoon. I even stopped going out and drinking for a while, but I still seemed to remain tired. Tired and more receptive to colds and minor fevers. I want to go out and do exercise, get my work done and hang out with my friends, instead of lying in bed all day where my best friends are Netflix, comfort food and Facebook. Or am I just being lazy? I honestly don’t know any more.
This blog seems to becoming more and more like a diary where I share my unfiltered thoughts (often negative), but I want to remind and reassure those few who regularly read this blog that I actually am enjoying my time here at UEA as well. I do not regret coming here, all my dreams and opportunities will and are being fulfilled here. People are so friendly and I seem to be having less trouble with the course when it comes to scientific vocabulary and similar challenges. Coming here is definitely one of my best decisions, but generally learning about living for one self and getting more and more shoved into the grown up world is maybe the more worrying part.