For those of you who have followed me for a while (and have read this post), you may be wondering why I am still here in Norway now, and not telling you “See ya, off to Central America for a month!!”. So, as you would have perhaps already guessed, I was supposed to be travelling an a backpacker adventure today with two of my close friends. But I am not. What happened?
Long story 😛 Basically. The build up that lead me to this point is a something that hasn’t really been one of my most favourite subjects to talk about here on my blog. It is true what they say how that on the internet you always want to cover up the the bad things in your life and just want to promote the good, presenting a more perfect version of yourself (although doesn’t that apply to real life too?). Soo…there were many reasons for me taking (and sticking) to the decision that I have about dropping out from the trip. Trust me, it was definitely a hard decision, as it would disappoint my two lovely friends, I would disappoint myself, I would miss out on an adventure of a lifetime, and it would feel like a coward for not following my dreams. However, I think it all turned out in the end! My friends, although obviously reacted initially with great disappointment and a bit of anger, still went on the trip and I expect and hope they have the best of luck and time of their life. There are luckily no hard feelings between us (they are so wonderful)! My dad helped me out with the economy side of this decision, allowing me to drop out without loosing a great deal of money. In return I am going to do some work for him this summer. Most importantly, I now feel a bit relieved, and I still believe (and feel good) I took the right decision. Haha, perhaps I’ll be a bit bitter when they return and show me all the amazing photos and tell me all the awesome experiences they have had! Oh well 😛
So what were my reasons? There were several, unfortunately! One of them included my deterioration of health, both physically and mentally. This decision wasn’t based on personal factors though, but on the fact that I didn’t realize my arguably hasty and “in the spur of the moment” decision to buy tickets and plan this journey with my friends, actually affect other people, like my family and my (now ex) boyfriend. My parents, who I didn’t particularly decide to inform and include, became very concerned about me leaving for such a place, and were worried about my safety and my capacity to do such a trip at my age with my little experience. I think I wrote something like “because YOLO this is the time to travel and experience the world, young and with no obligations (and fortunate enough to actually own some cash)”. Wops! I am still young and dum… Cause I do have obligations! Towards family, friends and loved ones! My decision to go, as you may guess, caused a huge deal of other problems and a lot of pain.
In the end, the appeal to go was non-existing. Dreams are good though! I still wish to go! Like I want to still go to Australia too! But sometimes, dreams take you away from reality and make you not realize all the great things you already have in life and need to take care of. I guess this little experience has taught me a painful life lesson in life. What I decide to do, how I behave and treat people actually affects them, which will in turn affect me again. Quite an obvious one I guess.. I knew this reeally… But I guess I had to learn and remember the hard way.
I am in many ways still quite traumatized and distraught about what this has lead me too. I am scared I need time to heal and grow strong again. I need to use this summer to build myself up again! Make myself feel better, and build up my confidence and health again! I want this summer to become one of the best I have had, and so that the start of next year back at uni in September I will have a fighting chance of doing well! I also want to make amends with people I have hurt and that have turned away in distrust and discomfort.. You can have a guess who that might be..
For a little time I thought my summer holiday was going to be all lonely and empty, with no job (I didn’t get one) and no holiday. Things have turned around now though, and I have some really lovely things to look forward to, including a week in Oslo, a visit from my friend David here to Bergen, and a little trip with my two best friends to Gran Canaria in August. In addition to his, I am actually looking forward to trying to have a cheap and cheerful summer holiday doing less expensive options with friends, such as picnics, drinking, swimming and chilling in the lovely summer weather and landscape of Bergen, bicycle rides, boat trips, minor road trips, cinema and dinners! Maybe reading a couple of books and doing some window shopping in cute vintage shops, photo projects! Most of all though, getting into shape and walking lots and lots of mountains! Oh, and obviously trying to get a summer job, but perhaps that’s getting a bit ahead of myself now.
Woaaahhh.. Long text 😛 Sorry guys!