Okay so I should be doing studying this second, but I thought I would take a quick break to write a post (that has been a long time coming). I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think I have had one of those moments of realization about life and all that. Maybe it’s just a growing up thing, or maybe I have just come to realize something a bit later than everyone else. Going to university in a different country is maybe one of the best decisions I have ever done in my life. I genuinely think if I had just stayed in Bergen my whole entire life and my family relations would have been completely different. I originally moved because I had a tremendous urge to be alone. I absolutely hated living at home, I looked at it as a prison guarded by the most frustrating beings on this planet that I was convinced were out to make my life harder in every possible way. I was longing for my own independence and an ocean away from home to feel free. I needed to do this, and I am so glad I did. I cannot even believe how much I have grown these last years, faced my own struggles, and learned so much about myself. I have become practically a different person in some ways. This whole experience has been life changing.
I think the biggest lesson I have learned though, is how much family means. My parent’s used to tear their hair out in rage over how unappreciative I was, and they used to tell me all the time. Yell it in fact. I don’t think it mattered how much they told me, I never understood. It was something I needed to realize by myself. And I have. Maybe they were strict at times and maybe they were “the stupidest parents on earth”, but maybe they weren’t. I get it now. Never ever did they put themselves before my brother and I. My Mum and Dad gave me the best upbringing they could have possibly given, dedicating their lives to us, sacrificing so much. They even did it all in a different country, had to learn a whole new language and embrace new traditions and a different culture. I can only begin to comprehend the dedication. All of the effort my Mum put into making the best, healthiest meals every day of the week. Our Sunday walks to get some fresh air and have some family time. The hours and hours spent with us explaining homework and the encouragement we received to do the best we could at school, and always supporting us when we wanted to do what we loved. Driving my brother and watching endless football matches, or driving me to all those remote stables to watch me horse riding. The endless video recording of us so we could look back when we are older and remember. The family holidays and the beautiful memories we made. The endless wisdom whenever I felt like just giving up. All these things they did selflessly and loved us unconditionally (and powering through my horrid, spoilt teenage years). They did everything for us. Now with some distance apart I see all of that now. I see how even though I am moved out and doing my own thing, they are still always there to support, care and encourage. Coming to Australia to make sure I got back on my feet when I broke my leg, helping me out with money when I need it, buying me a car (!!!!) so I could be more independent, worrying about me when I get depressed and stressed about exams and ex-boyfriends.
I am not going to lie and say we will never argue again, or we won’t have our moments, but in the end it doesn’t matter. We are family, and I will always love them. I hope in the end it was all worth it, and they can look at my brother and I and think “phew, we did it”. I am forever in their debt, and I hope I can someday make them proud. I know now that I miss them everyday and look forward to the phone calls and skype chats. I am happy when I receive emails and cards from outer family too, my grandparents, my aunt, my uncle and my cousins. All these people who I don’t even see most of the time, who love and care for me. I feel truly blessed.